


Out of darkness

by SunshineIta



Series: A Mass Effect Andromeda Tetralogy [1]
Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: F/M, Mass Effect Andromeda multiplayer APEX, Nexus militia, Science Fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-16 03:21:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11820177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunshineIta/pseuds/SunshineIta
Summary: Leaving the Milky Way to make a name for herself in the Andromeda galaxy, Shepard, after a 600-year nap, joins a Nexus militia APEX team, Outburst; a band of elite soldiers giving everything they got for the Initiative. Blowing things up seem enough to be happy. But what if this new adventure brings her more; what Shepard always desired: a family, love and a cause to fight for...





	1. Prologue - Bleeding in the ass-end of nowhere

**Author's Note:**

> Author's note: I'd like to thank all my fandom friends for getting me into the Mass Effect Big Bang 2017. Didn't thought I could do it... But I did!! Thanks to my betas, Ex-Commander and PotionsMaster. Without you, so many typos and weird sentences! And you encouraged me all along the way, as my other dear friend did, ThreeWhiskeyLunch. I love you a bunch! Finally, hugs and kisses to my wonderful artist, Beth Adastra. You not only did an amazing job... You caught the essence of my story and put it into marvelous pieces of art; like you were in my mind as I was writing. I'll never thank you enough for choosing my story!! xo
> 
> Artist's note: I love love LOVED working with Sunshine-Ita on this amazing story; I just had to make some extra illustrations because it is that good. Thank you for letting me bounce all of these crazy ideas off of you, and entrusting me with showing off Pauline Shepard! Future reader, you’re in for such a treat!
> 
> And a special thanks to both of us to Azzy, for organizing and supervising the MEBB 2017!
> 
> Warnings: coarse language and mature subject matter

 

She was dying.

She was fucking dying. Alone, in a cave smelling like molds and sulfur, full of dead people; and soon, she would be one of them.

She laid against a rock in the middle of the cavern, her assault rifle on her stomach, finger on the trigger, ready to shoot. If only she could feel her arm and hand…

Her body bled from everywhere, her armor no longer being of any use. The worst scrape bared her abdomen. She had applied all the medi-gel she had. It worked for a time, but the bleeding continued, relentless and unstoppable, as the outlaws ravaging the place. Two adrenaline shots later, she ran out of resources, just waiting for death to take her, or maybe another fucking outlaw. The cave remained silent and still for the last minutes. These sons of bitches probably thought her dead. Even she wondered how she could still be kicking.

A violent cough struck her. She spat all the blood filling her mouth, moaning in pain.

She should have trusted her instinct. She knew, as soon as she entered the atmosphere of Kadara that everything would blow up in her face. It gave her a weird feeling in her guts. She should have listened to it. But _fuck_ … She thought she could do it; save everyone without any more bloodshed. What a stupid idea. The only thing she did right was killing a shit load of Sloane’s minions. But if Ezal, Chagora, and Isaac would have been with her, she would not be in that position.

_Isaac… It’s all your fault, man_ , she thought. _Well, not only yours. I understand, though. I fucking understand why you did what you did._

Pain struck her again. Her body shook violently. Funnily enough, it seemed to revive her omni-tool when she moved. It glitched on her left arm, the light flickering in the gloom of the cave. She tried to move the other one so she could type on the device and open a secure channel. Maybe she could contact her people. However, her arm laid still, her hand slowly losing grip on her M-8 Avenger. And, of course, her biotics were anything but useful, she was completely drained.

Spitting blood again, she suddenly had an idea. Maybe Chagora did it…

“Pauline Shepard, APEX soldier, identification number Papa-Sierra-9-0-8-2-2-5-3-8,” said the woman out loud, her voice, even if weak, resonating in the cave.

“ _Authentication successful. Connection to secure channel in process._ ”

Pauline sighed, a bit relieved. Chagora indeed tweaked their omni-tools. That krogan engineer; just pure genius.

“ _Secure channel open._ ”

Pauline took two seconds to breathe. “This is Pauline Shepard. APEX team Outburst. Don’t know if anyone will pick this up…” A violent cough forced the woman to pause. “I’m on Kadara. Honestly don’t know where precisely...I came here to bargain with Sloane. She’s… _Fuck…_ It hurts… She’s blackmailing APEX and militia personnel to make the Nexus security weaker. Think she wants to take it for herself. Fucking bitch… I wanted to help. Before it was too late. I… I did it for you, Isaac. For you and Jeremy… _No one_ threatens my friends or my team. I know she had you by the balls, Chief. Tried to free you. God… I hate that motherfucking so much…”

Pauline stopped. Pain blurred her vision, making her dizzy. Unconsciousness would overtake her soon.

“And guys, let him explain, OK? As a favor to me. And… Before… Before I die…  It was an honor to work and fight with you. Outburst… You’re my family. Life’s not only worth shooting stuff and blowing people up. It’s worth living. Had to come to another galaxy and meet you to realize that.” Pauline stopped. Emotions and her burning, hurting body made her speechless for an instant. “And Kandros… Tiran, I love you. I love you so fucking much…”

Silence filled the cave once again; and this time no one was breathing inside.


	2. 6 months {184 days} earlier

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my betas again, Ex-Commander and PotionsMaster! xo
> 
> Art by the talented Beth Adastra <3
> 
> Warnings: coarse language and mature subject matter

“Pauline? Pauline Shepard? Can you hear me?” The woman frowned at the sound of the soft feminine voice talking to her. She tried to open her eyes. It took her a few seconds to respond, then a moment of intense blinking to get used to the ambient light. She turned her head towards the voice. An asari smiled, before scanning Pauline with her omni-tool.

“I… Huh…”

“You’re on Ark Hyperion, in the cryo bay, Ma’am. We had to treat you for a fever.”

“A fev… what?” Pauline looked at the asari, lost. The words coming out of her dry mouth were a whisper.

“Don’t scare our patient, Deliana. Let’s give her time to get up and have a cup of coffee,” said another doctor to the asari, a human male of a certain age, coming at Pauline’s side. He helped her get seated on the medical bed. “Milk? Cream? Sugar in your coffee?”

“Black,” was the only thing Pauline could articulate, her throat sore and painful. The human doctor smiled and went to a corner of the room. He came back with a hot mug. Pauline took it with envy; it smelled like heaven. She couldn’t resist closing her eyes while taking the first sip of that miracle beverage.

“I’m Harry Carlyle. Chief of medical, here, on the Hyperion. How’re you feeling?”

“Like waking up from an epic hangover,” answered Pauline after a long gulp of coffee, her head feeling heavy on her shoulders. The doctor took his penlight he had in hand and asked Pauline to follow the light with her eyes. “I’ve been out of cryo for long?”

“Almost a week. Like Deliana said, you caught a fever during the awakening process. We slowed it down and made you recover before a full wake-up.” Pauline shook her head in approbation, before looking at her mug.

“Have we… are we…”

“We’re in Andromeda. Didn’t go _exactly_ according to plan, but you’ll be briefed soon enough.”

“The date is?” Whatever the situation, she liked to be situated in space and time; always useful.

“Somewhere in May 2819,” answered Carlyle, his turn to scan Pauline’s body with his omni-tool, taking one last look at her vitals. “All is green on my part. You’re good to go, Shepard. While you finish your coffee, I’ll get an integration specialist.”

With one last smile, Carlyle turned on his heels and went to a console on the opposite of the room. Pauline turned her attention to the rest of the med-bay. A few other humans were lying or sitting on beds in the area, some of them awaken, others still in a twilight sleep. Many doctors or nurses were taking care of them all, all smiles and comfort after 600 years.

600 years… Frozen in a metal box for a bit more than half a millennium and here they were: in Andromeda, 25 million light-years away from the Milky Way. And if they woke her up… They needed soldiers. She wondered why for a second before going back to her coffee. Like Carlyle said, she would be briefed soon enough. No need to worry.

Two cups of coffee later, a salarian showed up in the med-bay, absorbed by a datapad, muttering to himself. He went straight for Pauline. His eyes stayed on the electronic device when he said:

“Pauline Shepard?” His voice was cold and tinted with arrogance. _The fuck did I do to you, dude_ , the woman thought, trying not to be insulted by the alien’s manners.

“That’s me. You are?”

“Athil Lark, integration specialist. Please follow me.”

“Nice to meet you, Athil,” said Pauline, putting her hand forward to shake his. Her ass stayed comfortably on the bed. The salarian moved his gaze away from the datapad. His puzzled look made Pauline smile. His eyes went from the woman’s hand to her face a few times.

“I’m on a very tight schedule, here.”

“No time for banalities?”

“No time for banalities.”

Pauline got up, the salarian already going to the med-bay’s entrance. She took a moment to stretch, her body still feeling heavy and stiff in some places. She thanked both the asari nurse and Dr. Carlyle, before trotting behind Lark to catch up to him. That bastard was way too fast for someone who just woke up from a 600-year nap. She followed him through a couple of corridors before she spotted a sign indicating restrooms.

“Hey! Hey, Lark!” The salarian turned on his heels, clearly displeased. “Just going to take a leak, ok?”

“Please be quick.”

Pauline entered the women's restroom, but didn’t go straight to a booth, like Lark probably expected. She stopped in front of one of the mirrors. After that long in cryo, she wanted to know if everything remained as it was when she departed the Milky Way with the other colonists. Not that she thought a third eye had grown in the middle of her forehead, but…

Apart from _desperately_ needing a shower and her _awfully_ white skin, she looked fine. Same long, dark brown hair and bright green eyes, square jaw and little scars here and there; right eyebrow, middle of her nose and left corner of her lips, which were extremely dry. She massaged her face for a second, still full of freckles, like her forearms. She inhaled and exhaled, slowly, looking at her reflection. Pauline smirked when a thin layer of color enveloped her body, like the woman suddenly entered a mist of blue energy. Her eyes took an electric cerulean tint. For a second, she enjoyed the power taking over her body. Satisfied, the woman left the mirror, her biotics fading. She made a stop by one of the restroom booths, then joined Lark.

They went for the tram system, which got them to the Nexus, the equivalent of the Citadel in the Andromeda galaxy. Even if Lark seemed determined to get rid of her quickly by leading her swiftly through kilometers of corridors, Pauline could not resist to stop in front of a window.

Infinity of stars, a new galaxy, and… an unfinished Nexus? Pauline frowned.

“Lark?” Pauline spoke loudly, the salarian being a few meters in front of the woman. She heard a loud _tsk_. Her guide turned to her, and she sensed his frustration. Pauline pointed the window. “What happened?”

“What happened to what? Be specific, Shepard. _I_ don’t have all day.”

“The station. It’s still under construction.”

“And?”

Pauline cherished the thought of punching him.

“ _And_ it’s supposed to be finished; all shiny and full of eager colonists. What the fuck happened?”

“I will brief you when we reach your living quarters, Shepard. Not before. Now, _please_ , no more delay.”

“You’re always like this, Lark? And what are you here for, anyway? Integration specialist… you’re more of an escort than anything.” Pauline knew by the angry look on his face she just insulted him.

“Me and the integration specialists make sure all colonists out of cryo get posted to quarters and a job which help the Initiative settle. We decide on a certain extend what your job will be. We make sure everything is well balanced between the different professions. And what the Initiative needs, of course. Satisfied?” Lark’s tone was sharp as a razor blade.

“Yeah.” She thought of making fun of him, but Pauline kept her mouth shut.

A few minutes later, they entered the living quarters area. Lark led her swiftly through the corridors, once again. They entered a small (no, not small; _tiny_ was the right qualification) apartment. The integration specialist went straight to the living room, where he took a datapad from the table in front of the couch and gave it – more like threw it – to Pauline.

“Everything you need to know, or do, is on this datapad. The state of the Nexus, the Initiative, the human pathfinder, the arks, whatsoever. The important details have been synced to your omni-tool. You’ve been assigned to APEX, the elite task force of the Nexus militia. Although, before you can meet your squad and the leader of the said militia, you’ll need to pass a series of tests to make sure you’re up for it. Physically and mentally. All your appointments are already scheduled. Questions?”

“Where’s my stuff?”

“All your personal effects have been brought here. You should have got through that trouble yourself, but _someone_ caught a fever.”

“Lucky me, I guess.”

“Now. If you don’t have more questions, my job here is done. For now. Still, you can contact me if there’s anything.”

“I’ll make sure to _not_ have to.”

“Would be appreciated. Good day.”

Fortunately, the other salarians on this damn station would be nicer than this asshole…


	3. 174 days earlier

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my betas again, Ex-Commander and Potionsmaster! xo
> 
> Warnings: coarse language and mature subject matter

“Are you feeling ok, Shepard? You’re a bit pale.”

Pauline stroked her hands together, her eyes fixing her knees. She smiled timidly, and looked at the psychologist, her gaze meeting the asari’s.

“Just a bit nervous. I never liked psych evals,” answered the woman with sincerity.

“Any particular reasons?”

“Knowing you can end my career by only one word in your report, maybe?”

“You’re a careerist?”

“I guess. Well… Yes, I am.”

“Why did you come to Andromeda? Joined the Initiative?” The asari crossed her legs, making her long purple skirt brush with a soft sound of fabric. Her bright gray eyes did not leave Pauline’s face.

She feared psychologists, or rather, psychological evaluations. Physicals, or shooting exercises, were easy, often a joke. She passed the ones asked by the militia with a flick of her fingers. True to form, she hit the gym the day after she got out of the Hyperion’s med-bay. In front of a shrink, however, she never knew what to say, how to say things, or how to behave. It was routine; obligatory for her to join APEX. Even in the Alliance, it was a regular procedure. Still, it was a fucking pain and she wished she could be miles from Dr. Le’lanad’s office.

Pauline massaged her neck, looking at her knees again. She bent enough for her elbows to reach them. Now, the floor got all her attention.

“Don’t you already have that information in my files?” The woman talked to the metallic floor tiles, but the doctor didn’t seem too bothered.

“I would like you to tell me.”

“Want to know if I changed my mind?”

“Have you?”

“Well…” Pauline straightened up. “True, everything went to shit quickly. A year in a half in Andromeda and only one ark has showed up. We barely have an outpost on Eos. Still, it’s more than nothing. Thanks to the human Pathfinder… err… Manusha, Manushika, Mani…”

“Manisha Ryder?”

“Yeah, her. On top of that, the Nexus isn’t complete, hundreds of colonists are still in cryo, the other Arks are lost in the ass end of the universe, the Kett are the plague, not to mention the Outlaws and Exiles. Still glad I left home, though. Well, the Milky Way. Guess we must call Andromeda home, now. There’s no going back, so…”

“Why did you leave? The Milky Way?”

Pauline sighed heavily. “To make a name of my own without anyone in my way.”

“Only for fame and glory, then?”

“Fucking selfish, isn’t it?”

Silence filled the room. The asari took some notes on her omni-tool. Pauline felt even more uncomfortable. Her palms began to sweat. The calmness emanating from the doctor was upsetting.

“Shepard… Hum… So, you are related. True, the resemblance is striking.”

“Crossed her path too?” Pauline didn’t hide the hatred in her voice.

“A picture’s in your file. I heard of her, though. After all, Jane Shepard defeated Sovereign and saved the council in 2183. But no, never met her. Have you? You’re half-sisters; it’s quite likely.”

“Maybe one or two times. Because we were in the same room for official Alliance stuff. I never spoke to her. Never wanted to.”

“Why? You’re sharing your father’s DNA. Sometimes, siblings seek closure and…”

Pauline made fists with her hands and interrupted the psychologist. “See, _Doctor_ … My Eezo-factory-worker mother was left all alone with a four-year-old in a shit hole of a colony by my father, who decided an Alliance bitch was better for him. Oh, and a younger one, too. _So cliché._ He knocked up the other woman, and, _of course_ , me and _Janie-Daisy_ had to look alike; as twins would. Glad I inherited the brown hair from my mom, I tell you. We crossed paths, but I never talked or shook hands with her. Even if she would have liked to. Got quite a few emails from her asking for it. But you see, she was _always_ a step further than me. Even if _I’m_ the oldest. Getting into the Alliance before me, earning her N7 before me; getting medals and fame before I could even shoot one slaver. _Oh! Are you Jane Shepard? Hey, Commander! Did you change your hair color, Jane?_ That’s all I ever got in the Milky Way. Like you say yourself, I’m a careerist. When I heard of the Initiative, I saw my chance to break free. And I took it.”

The asari nodded, before writing on her omni-tool again. Pauline sighed, upset towards herself, mostly. Why couldn’t she talk about family without hate and anger? The Milky Way was millions of light years away, now! No _sister_ of hers could get in her way. She was free; _finally_ . Still… Why all this loathing?

“Left anyone behind? Other family members? Friends? Lovers?” asked Dr. Le’lanad after a while.

Pauline shook her head negatively. “ _Father_ kicked the bucket just after Janie-Daisy’s birth. Mom died a year before I joined Jump Zero. No lover and yes, a couple of friends, but no one I’ll really miss.”

“How do you feel about being a biotic?”

“It never bothered me, really. Was born with it. What could I do? Gave me the chance to enter a good school. Fine, it was kind of a mess at first on Gagarin Station. Us kids were the first cohort of human biotics, in 2168. We were Guinea pigs for the Alliance. Couldn’t be fooled about it, as young as we were. Pretty sure it’s better at Grissom Academy, now. But, you know, back then, I had friends, kind of a family. I was happy. Most days.”

“Most days?”

“They had problems adjusting my implant. Not to brag, but my biotics are strong. For a human, anyway. In my first three years at Jump Zero, I had a few seizures and I spent days in bed, unable to move a muscle. Everything just… hurt. At some point, the scientists at the station decided to ask for asari’s help and they gave me one of your species’ amps.”

“It worked? Interesting,” said the psychologist, genuinely impressed.

“I’m a medical and scientific anomaly, for sure, but never had headaches since. I joined the Alliance a bit later than the others in my classes, because of that. Or because of _the sister_.”

“Was it hard for you, to leave the Alliance?” asked Dr. Le’lanad.

“ _She_ had all the room. So, no. Easy as fuck.”

The psychologist frowned, noticeably reading something that bothered her on a datapad she now had in hand. Pauline apprehended her next question.

“What’s interesting, Shepard, is that your Alliance record is full of distinctions, recommendations. You truly believe you were in your sister’s shadow? From what I see here, you were a major military asset for the Systems Alliance.”

“And that’s supposed to mean…”

“Ever thought about jealousy?”

Pauline leaned back in the armchair she sat in, before redoing her ponytail, placed high on the back of her head. She glanced at the ceiling for a moment, trying to calm the anger boiling in her gut. Who the fucking fuck was she to analyze her like this? She just wanted the doctor to tell the Nexus militia she was fit for duty, not to get every corner of her past scrutinized with a magnifying glass!

“And what if I was, doctor? What does it change? I still think I left the Milky Way for good reason. I don’t regret the trip, jealousy or not,” Pauline said, her voice shaking with impatience.   The asari sighed heavily. She looked displeased by her patient.

“Very well. If you don’t want to talk about it or investigate further…” Dr. Le’lanad’s tone got stinging.  “Let me just say this, Shepard. Negative thoughts, contradictory feelings... They won’t get you anywhere. I don’t believe they interfered in your career before, so I don’t think it’ll be a problem in the militia. _But_ . It could prevent you from truly embracing Andromeda as your _home_. That’s part of my job. To make sure this galaxy doesn’t make you…”

“Insane?” Pauline said pointedly, cutting the asari to the chase. “It won’t, doctor. If it does, well, I’ll come back here. Guess you can consider that a deal. Now, if you don’t mind, I would _really_ like to start working and shoot some bad guys. I’m a bit sick of running a test a day and pacing around the rest of the time. _That’s_ starting to make me crazy.”

“If we, indeed, have a _deal_ … I don’t see why you wouldn’t be fit for duty, Pauline Shepard. Hopefully, you’ll fit in the Nexus militia and APEX.”

“I’ll try my best, doctor.”

 _And now, I can finally have fun_ , thought Pauline, relieved.


	4. 173 days earlier

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my betas again, Ex-Commander and Potionsmaster! xo
> 
> Warnings: coarse language and mature subject matter

“You asked to see me, sir?”

Pauline stood behind a turian in the middle of the Nexus militia headquarters. By habit, she took a military posture, even making a salute, when he turned on his heels to face her. His mandibles fluttered in a smile. He seemed amused, looking down at the woman. He was at most three heads taller than her.

“Relax, Shepard. No need for ceremonies. You’re not in the Alliance anymore,” said the alien, crossing his arms on his chest. He wore his full armor, which Shepard found quite stylish; a mix of black and clear gray, with pale turquoise lights. He stared at the woman from head to toe. “Damn. You do look like Jane Shepard. Rumors were accurate.”

“Not to be rude, sir,” said Pauline, interrupting him. “It’s the first time I set foot in here. How…”

“For the personnel, still in cryo, I personally pick colonists to be part of the militia. Whatever the integration specialists say. I select the best for APEX. I know _everything_ about you, Pauline Shepard.” The turian marked a pause. “Tiran Kandros. I lead the militia on the Nexus.”

Kandros extended a three-finger hand towards Shepard. She shook it vigorously. His grip was strong and lively, exactly as expected of a soldier. His scaly skin was soft and warm where it touched hers. She also noted his face plates was paler than other turians she encountered in her career or here on the Nexus. His thin blue markings on his scales were the more visible.

“Nice to meet you, sir.”

“Likewise. But call me Kandros. The militia is no military. We’re a bit like C-Sec but with less regulation and hierarchy.” Pauline caught the joking tone of Kandros and smiled, starting to relax. “Ah! See! You’re better without the official stick up your ass, Shepard.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment, sir… I mean, Kandros.”

“Good, good. Enjoying Andromeda so far?”

“Pretty sure I’ll enjoy it better when I put a bullet or two in a few Kett. Or make them fly with a shockwave.”

“That’s the spirit, Shepard, that’s the spirit. Glad we have someone on this station that is up for a dirty fight. We need elite fighters like you. That’s why I chose you for APEX. They handle special ops here in Andromeda. Only the most skilled and experienced on the battlefield are selected. You can be proud, Shepard. Now, come. Time to meet your squad.”

Pauline followed Kandros through a couple of corridors, before they entered a small hangar. People from every species polished guns and armors. Some were chatting in small circles, a beer or a coffee in hand; others were taking a few minutes of rest in a corner. Shepard could not resist a grin. She inhaled slowly, happy. The exquisite smell of metal, sweat, plastics, polymers; God, she missed it. Soon, she would have armor on and a gun in hand; everything would be perfect.

“Chagora! Seabrook! Hirdol! Come and meet your fourth squad member!” called out Kandros, loud enough to cover the conversations in the room. A human male, a salarian – hard to determine their sex at first glance– and a female krogan approached the turian, and Pauline.

“Oh! You got us another female, Chief!” said the krogan, joyful. “I finally won’t be the only one!”

 _The salarian is a guy_ , thought Pauline, happy to not have to guess.

“Well, the way you fight and make everything blow up, Chagora, I’m not sure you qualify as a female.”

“Don’t be mean to our krogan, Seabrook. You know very well we manage the best fireworks in all APEX,” said the salarian, smiling to Chagora. He turned to Pauline, extending a three-fingers hand. “Ezal Hirdol, infiltrator. What do we call you?”

“Pauline Shepard,” answered the woman, smiling and giving the salarian a handshake. “I’m an adept.”

“Oh! A biotic! This is going to be even better, now. I’m Chagora. Clan Nakmor. Engineer.”

The krogan also extended a hand, and Pauline felt bad hesitating to respond. She didn’t want her fingers crushed. She regretted her delaying when witnessing the tender touch of the imposing female… lizard? Dinosaur, more likely. Well, to a human’s eyes.

“Isaac Seabrook. Former Alliance, like you. I lead our team; Outburst. Welcome to our crazy party. And, if I may ask… Are you… Because you look…” Pauline sighed, but kept her smile.

“Jane Shepard is...  _Was_ , my half-sister, yes. All you need to know.”

“Got it,” said Seabrook, grinning and shaking Pauline’s hand too. “I’m not special like you guys. Pure and simple soldier. I may have more brain, though. That’s why they put me in charge.”

“Don’t listen to him,” said Chagora, already protective towards her new squad mate. “He always talks crap when not in a fight.”

Two humans, a salarian and a krogan; it was, indeed, an interesting quartet.

With all the red markings on his face, Hirdol looked like a badass son of a bitch. Although for the first impression Pauline got, he seemed like the sweetest salarian in the universe, with a soft spot for his krogan team mate.  That was amazingly refreshing. Everyone knew about the old krogan-salarian rivalry where the turians also got messed up, thanks to the Krogan rebellions and the usage of the genophage, which affected the krogan ability to reproduce. Chagora was tall as a mountain and sturdy as a rock. Chagora’s skin and facial markings were of earthy color tones. A spark of vivid intelligence and a strong feminine essence emanated from her. Isaac looked like any other human soldier Shepard knew; brush-cut salt and pepper hair and beard, a sharp blue gaze, a few scars on his face and hands, and a wedding ring clearly visible on his left one. Seabrook was a bit taller than her, quite muscular compared to Pauline, who was athletic, yes, but not ready for a bodybuilding competition. She preferred to be strong _and_ flexible.

“That’s your team, Shepard,” said Kandros, smiling again to the woman, making his mandibles move slowly on each side of his face.

“Outburst, right?” she asked, looking at her team mates one after the other. “Never worked with a multi-species crew before. I look forward to it.”

“And with your biotics… It’ll be _brilliant._ Brilliant,” said the salarian. He had sparkles in his eyes, and Pauline bet he also had his heart racing with excitement.

“I can modify your omni-tool to tell you when it’s the best time to use your biotics on the field, if you want. To time everything when each of us use our tricks. You know, for maximum damage. If you fight with a visor, even better,” added the krogan.

“Chagora is a genius, under all that muscle,” said Seabrook. “Clearly the best engineer in the room.”

“You guys are already getting along. Very good!” said Kandros. “You’re leaving for your first assignment at 0500 hours. Get your guns cleaned and gear up, Outburst.”

“Aye, aye, sir,” said Pauline. She saluted Kandros. Everyone in Outburst laughed, also a few people in the room. The militia leader grinned.

“Old habits die hard, eh, Shepard?” Kandros said, before leaving the hangar, Pauline’s face red as a poppy.


	5. 144 days earlier

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my betas again, Ex-Commander and PotionsMaster! xo
> 
> Art by the talented Beth Adastra <3
> 
> Warnings: coarse language and mature subject matter

“Ammo? Anyone?” said Hirdol through the team’s comm channel, a slight of panic in his voice.

“Here, on your six,” answered Seabrook. He threw an ammo pack to the salarian. The team leader was the closest to him on the battlefield.

The four of them against a full battalion of Kett: or their fourth mission, Outburst sure hit the jackpot. Pauline recharged her M-8 Avenger, peeking for a second on the other side of the rock she hid behind. Three Kett were coming her way, running, guns blazing. Chagora dropped heavily next to Shepard, a bit out of breath.

“Phew… lots of guns!” Pauline smiled, catching the glimpse of excitement in the krogan’s voice. She saw Chagora look at the battlefield. A grin covered the engineer’s face.

“Thinking what I’m thinking?” she asked. Pauline nodded.

“On three?”

“On three. One. Two.  _ THREE _ .”

Chagora got out of cover and fired an incinerate attack from her omni-tool. Pauline followed her, body suddenly covered in blue energy. She threw a powerful shockwave at the Kett. Krogan and human fell back behind the rock, the ground shaken by the blast. They heard screams and bodies drop on the Eos sand, like giant flies.

“Good job, girls!” said Seabrook in their ears, pleased. “Hirdol? Have the intel?”

“Lost my shields. Need them to recharge before I can move and enter the base.”

“Chagora and I can charge the facility,” said Pauline. She made a Kett’s head explode, the   _ squish _ sound of thick olivine blood being heard. “Our side is clear.”

“Chagora, run for the facility. Grab the intel. Shepard, find Hirdol and give him a hand. I’ll cover for our krogan.”

“Aye, aye, Chief!” answered the two women in unison, before running in opposite directions.

Seabrook refused to be called “sir”, supposedly because it made him feel older than he already was. The rest of the team, after a small debate, decided to call him “Chief”. Of course, the team leader protested, saying it was even worse… but it stayed and he got used to it.

Before Andromeda, Pauline worked with all sorts of squads. Calm and careful ones; batshit crazy marine assholes where being the only girl on the team sucked balls. Or the bitchy-knife-in-the-back kind where everyone looked towards the same medal at the end of the mission and putting a lot of effort in shooting everyone in the foot to get it.

And here she was: Pauline Shepard, former Alliance, trying to find her place in a new, somewhat hostile, galaxy…  _ Maybe _ realizing her dream of becoming someone in this insane, funny and welcoming multi-species crew. In a month, Pauline felt appreciated and recognized; not only by Outburst, but also by other APEX soldiers. She had her very first friends in Andromeda. 

The krogan engineer was brilliant and adorable. If someone had ever told Pauline a female krogan could be that sweet, she would have laughed for hours. And Hirdol… that salarian was the funniest guy in the Heleus cluster; on the battlefield and off it. Seabrook had the brain of a teenager, which brought his crew a lot of smiles, side looks and uncontrolled laughs.

Getting along with her squad made Pauline wondered why she never enjoyed herself in the Milky Way. It took a 600-years trip to the other side of the universe for her to be… happy? Sweet feelings of friendship and care started to wake up inside her. Maybe Dr. Le’lanad had been right. Hatred and jealousy blinded her completely. She still didn’t care for her half-sister, but the thoughts of Jane Shepard were becoming less painful. Of course, being the only Shepard in Andromeda helped. The redhead wasn’t there to have all the attention. It felt…  _ good _ , having her body and mind in a better place. As good as having her armor on and a gun in hand often, her biotics charged (best three things in the universe, if you’d ask her). 

Everything could all go to shit in a flick of her fingers, though. She rationalized the last 29 days as much as she could. No need to be overjoyed or careless.  _ Always be careful _ . Like in battle: appreciate the victories, but  _ always _ remain vigilant.

Pauline dropped heavily beside her salarian squad mate, a bit out of breath. She had to run most of the way to Hirdol. Jump-jets would have slowed her, even if his position revealed itself to be farther on the battlefield than she thought. She cringed at the strident noise in her ears, a signal her shields were critically low.

“Stupid shields…” she said, angry.

“Welcome to the death pit, friend,” mocked the salarian, a wide grimace on his long and thin face.Pauline grinned. The Kett were getting closer and a diversion would be helpful to Chagora; they were here for the intel, not just for putting bullets in hostiles motherfuckers. 

“Shields up again, Ezal?”

“50%. Still have a sticky grenade. And tactical cloak is operational. Oh, and energy drain is good to go.”

“Lots of op...  _ Shit _ . Anointed. Two of them. Four o’clock. Hate these bastards…”

“What’s the strategy? Run? We could also laugh at them; pointing and all. Don’t know how they would react.”

This time, Pauline chuckled. “You and your weird ideas… Could be… Take  _ this _ , asshole!” A Chosen Kett was pulled away from them by the woman’s biotics. She made sure he fell off the cliff nearby, dead. “Could be fun, Ezal...” Pauline looked at her omni-tool, which suggested a particularly interesting course of action; thanks to Chagora’s update. “… but I have a better idea. On my mark, throw your grenade between the two and I’ll do the rest. Ready?” 

Hirdol answered by taking the grenade off his armor belt. Pauline peeked out of cover, making sure to spot the enemy on the field. She counted to three in her head and screamed “ _ NOW! _ ” to the salarian. 

“Get ready for the boom!” was all she could hear. While the grenade slowly made its way between the two Anointed, Pauline threw a singularity sphere before hitting the hazardous biotic matter with a shockwave. The intensity of the blast pulverized the two kett, and left behind a small crater, lots of sand suspended in the air.

“He-he-he! This was  _ awesome _ ,” Hirdol and Shepard overheard in their comms, smiling to the voice of their pleased krogan. “Got the intel, folks. Made some pudding with the guys inside, too.”

“Could have made pie. Tastier than pudding , I tell ya, ” said their team leader. “Seabrook to Shuttle 1. Intel gathered. Ready for evac.”

“ _ LZ in sight. ETA 2 minutes. _ ”

“Roger that, S1. Get moving, Outburst. Time to get our asses out of here.”


	6. 143 days earlier, back to the Nexus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my betas again, Ex-Commander and PotionsMaster! xo
> 
> Warnings: coarse language and mature subject matter

“Hey, Shepard. Up for a drink at the Vortex at 0200?” asked Seabrook, his head half into his locker.

Pauline got out of the top of her armor, revealing a marine tank top, soaked in perspiration. She wiped the sweat off her face, exhaling slowly.

“I’m not the only one craving a beer, then?” she asked, impish, replacing her sports bra.  It was killing her, the elastic nearly cutting her skin.

“What’s better after a hard day of work, hmm?” replied her team leader, smiling at her.

“And it gives us enough time to take a shower, so we don’t stink the place. I’ll be there, Chief.”

“Heard that, crew? Pauline is in for some drinking!”

The woman removed the rest of her armor while telling Seabrook to chill. Getting  _ one _ beer was not going to change the course of the universe. True, since she joined Outburst, she only went for drinks with them on two occasions. Chagora, Hirdol and Seabrook were at the Vortex more than anyone in APEX; and they  _ always _ drank more than the healthy amount recommended. Compared to them, Pauline wasn’t a fan of getting drunk. She felt uncomfortable without her normal reflexes and inhibitions. This time, however, she was really looking forward to a good time with her team. The successful mission on Eos deserved at least one beer.. Or maybe two.

Pauline left the APEX hangar and went to her apartment. She jumped into the shower, appreciating the cold water on her skin for a moment. Stepping out, she dried herself and stood in front of her closet for a bit, wondering what to wear. Yes, they were going out, but the Vortex wasn’t the most exquisite place in the galaxy. She opted for a black N7 t-shirt and a pair of beige cargo pants. She added a black cardigan, making her look a bit less “soldiery”. She put a small pair of diamond stud earrings before applying a fine touch of eyeliner and mascara. Pauline looked at herself in the mirror, suddenly unsure. She never wore jewelry or makeup. It felt weird. A part of her thought she didn’t have the right to dress up and be pretty; she was only good at fighting, shooting a gun and making shit and bad guys fly with her biotics. Why bother? The other side of her was in a “ _ fuck it _ ” mood. Pauline found herself quite cute: just enough badass factor and femininity. She smiled at her reflection, contented.

***

“And then, the guy just looked at me, lowered his gun and said, "the fuck, man". I laughed my ass off in front of the merc, who just…  _ stood  _ there.”

Laughter roared around the table, Outburst listening – and laughing – to Seabrook’s Alliance stories. They were all a few drinks in, getting stupider by the minute. Beer, liquor, wine… it seemed a sample of every type of alcohol in the bar found a way to their table; even the shit-tasting stuff that burned your insides.  Those were Chagora’s favorites, of course. Pauline and Seabrook were the beer drinkers, with a couple of shots in between (Pauline had totally abandoned the idea of staying sober after her first beer), while Hirdol enjoyed a few different weird-looking salarian wines.

“And you, Shepard. Any good war stories?” asked Chagora, curiosity in her dark eyes.

“I’m sure you have better ones than I.”

“Come on, Shepard. Don’t tell me you’re afraid we’ll judge you or anything. We saw what you’re capable of,” added Seabrook.

“I agree with Chagora and the chief, Shepard. Your turn to share,” said Hirdol.

“Nothing fun ever happened, in the Alliance. Well, for me.”

“Bullshit, Shepard. B-u-l-l-s-h-i-t,” said Seabrook, a defying look in his eyes.

“Trust me.”

“Fine,  _ Shepard _ . Have it your way. But since you don’t want to share…”

“You have to take a shot of Ryncol.  _ He-he-he _ ,” chuckled Chagora. Pauline looked at her, surprised.

“Oh, so you want me to choke to death, now?”

“You’ll survive, Shepard,” comforted the female krogan. “Now.. A dare is a dare.”

“Fine. Bring it, lady.”

Chagora took  a shot glass laying on th e table and filled it with the light green liquor she had in hand. A fine smoke emanated from the alcohol. The krogan pushed the shot towards Pauline, who took it. She left it, saluting her comrades.

“Well, it’s been a pleasure serving with you, guys. Just don’t fuck it up after I’m gone.”

Pauline inhaled and exhaled sharply, then took the Ryncol shot in one gulp. A few seconds passed.  _ Not too bad _ , she thought… Until fire and pain got a hold of all her digestive system.

“Holy fucking  _ shit…  _ Jesus fucking Christ...”

While Seabrook, Hirdol and Chagora laughed, Pauline tried to survive the pain. She coughed and gasped, all her make-up running with her tears on her cheeks. A weird, iron-like taste took hold of her mouth. She nearly threw up.  _ That’s it. I’m fucking bleeding from inside. Fuck you guys _ , swore Pauline to herself, trying to catch her breath. She heard Seabrook call the asari barmaid, Anan T’Mari, who brought a glass of iced water to Pauline. The woman snatched it from the asari’s hand, spilling a bit of its contents on the table. She drank it in a few gulps, her insides still burning, but now on a variable scale of pain.

“Happy now?” asked Pauline, wiping a few tears from her face with the bottom of her t-shirt, her voice as broken as a crow’s raucous caw. As an answer, her teammates laughed even more. “Fuck you. All of you,” said Pauline, a smile on her face. The woman managed to get up and reach the bar’s restrooms. She opened one of the taps and waited for the water to be brisk. She splashed some on her face a few times, before she bent down to drink directly from the tap. She took a moment to breathe – at least, trying to. She washed all the black makeup marking her red face. Pauline took a few minutes to calm down, before going back in the bar. Everything spun and she knew that walking in a straight line wasn’t her strong suit at that moment.

“Hey, watch it, soldier,” said a flanging male voice in front of her. She stopped in front of the turian, wobbling on her feet. He caught her by the forearms, preventing her from ending up face first on the metallic floor.

“Thanks… err… Oh, shit. Err… Sorry, sir, I…” tried to articulate Pauline.

“Are you all right, Shepard?” asked Tiran Kandros. She could swear she heard some worry in his voice.

“Oh, yes, yes. I… I may have tried some Ryncol...”

“I see. Come, let’s sit down and ask T’Mari for some water.”

Without protest, she followed Kandros back to a table. He made her sit down and in a second, there was a pitcher of water and a glass full of ice in front of her. The turian poured some for her. She thanked him with a nod and tried to locate her teammates. All three were at the bar, entertaining (or annoying) Dutch, the other Vortex barman; still drinking, of course. Just thinking of alcohol made Pauline’s stomach turn and she decided she had enough for the night. Her eyes met Kandros’. A piercing teal gaze, in which she didn’t sense any judgment or despise. It was probably the alcohol talking, but she found him  _ very _ attractive.

“I’m sorry for this… It’s not professional.”

“No need to apologize, Shepard. Having a night out with your team is not a crime. I expect my men to blow off steam, occasionally.”

“We sure did… I was just here for a beer or two, you know… Fuck… Now look at me. Oh, and… Tell me, if you want me to shut up. I tend to talk a lot when I’m… I’m…”

“Drunk?”

“That. Yes.”

Kandros’ mandibles flickered, revealing a warm smile. He signalled the bar and a glass of indigo liquor appeared in front of him before Pauline could blink. Or maybe she did. Couldn’t remember. The turian took a sip of his drink. He got more comfortable in his chair, putting his head back a little, closing his eyes, visibly enjoying the alcohol. He sighed, contented, making Pauline happy for no apparent reason. His attention got back to the woman and she felt uneasy for a second; like a teenager looked at by her crush for the first time. His blue-green gaze really was unsettling. She lost herself in her crystalline beverage.

“How do you like the militia, so far, Shepard?” asked the turian, before he drank from his glass again.

“Can I be frank, sir?”

“Kandros, Shepard. Kandros.”

“Oh, yeah. Sorry. Kandros. Can I be frank?”

“You can.”

“I was skeptical, at first. All this liberty. Regulations, but nearly nothing compare to the Alliance or other military organizations. But I must admit… You have a hell of a militia. And APEX is really something.”

“How do you like your team?” Pauline looked at her squad mates, still at the bar. Seabrook was chugging a beer, Chagora some Ryncol and Hirdol was clearly asleep on the bar counter. A tender smile appeared on the woman’s lips.

“I would give anything for them. Anything.” She switched her attention to the turian. “Thank you for selecting me. I… This is what I hoped for, you know. In Andromeda.” The militia leader extended a hand towards Pauline’s and put his talons gently in hers.

“You’re a hell of a soldier, Shepard. To not consider you for the militia or APEX would have been the most stupid thing I ever did. And if I can be honest with you…”

“I was with you, Kandros.”

“There’s still a mystery around you, Shepard.” Kandros’ voice lowered a bit and his teal eyes crossed hers and made a part of her body melt. She had no idea which, all her body feeling weird since the fucking Ryncol.

“I thought you knew everything about me. It’s one of the first things you said back in OP center.”

“What if I was mistaken?”

“Are you flirting with me,  _ sir _ ?”

“What if I am?”

Pauline retracted her hand and crossed her arms on her chest. She really liked Kandros’ company. But what if he just took advantage of her inebriated state? Not that she thought he was that kind, but a girl needed to be careful. She and Kandros exchanged a few conversations in the militia headquarters lately; mostly chit-chat while waiting for the rest of the team to join them for a briefing. But she started to look forward to these chats and the turian’s presence in the same room as her. Having him in front of her at that instant nearly seemed like a sign. And if she got truly honest with herself, booze or not, every time she crossed paths with Kandros in the past few weeks, Pauline felt amazingly weird.

In the Milky Way, turians never struck Pauline as handsome beings. She had never been sexually attracted to one. But Kandros… Kandros had something in him that caught her attention. In fact,  _ he _ was an enigma to her. She had pulled his file from the Andromeda records – or what was available to the public – and she knew it was only a thin part of Kandros’ past and present life. She craved more. It got her intrigued. And, hell, she longed for him to touch her again. The warmth emanating from him was really something. Pauline bit her lower lip while Kandros finished his drink. She internally debated what to do next.  _ Fuck, Shepard, just listen to your guts _ , lectured the woman to herself.

“Well,  _ sir _ , if you help me get up, I could answer all your questions at my place. I’m fucking craving  a coffee. Maybe two.”

Kandros got up, not waiting a second. He offered his arm to Pauline.

“It’ll be a pleasure to share a hot drink with you. Just tell me where to go.”


	7. 143 days earlier… the night quite advanced

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my betas again, Ex-Commander and PotionsMaster! xo
> 
> Art by the talented Beth Adastra <3
> 
> Warnings: coarse language and mature subject matter

“Sure you don’t want anything? I probably have something in here you can eat or drink, like… What doesn’t hurt a dextro based diet… Water? Delicious, crystalline water, Kandros. Could even boil it,” mocked Shepard, slowly managing to make herself a coffee in the kitchen area of her apartment. The turian was sitting on the couch in the tiny living room, smiling at her.

“Thanks, Shepard. I’m fine. Do you need any help?” asked the alien, slightly worried. She probably wavered too much on her legs to his liking.

True, she was drunk as fuck. A part of her brain feared it would be for the rest of her life, due to the Ryncol shot. She’d have to get even with her squad, one day. Before Kandros could get an answer, Shepard sat aside with him on the leather couch, a cup of dark roasted coffee in hand. She smelled the beverage, before sighing with satisfaction.

“You don’t know what you’re missing,  _ chéri _ . Sad turians can’t have coffee. It’s pure magic.”

“It smells funny. Well, to me. Maybe because it’s not dextro-based. We turians have a similar thing, though. It’s thick, spicy and bitter. Better cold than hot. Perfect to get you back on your feet. By the way… What language did you just use? It sounded different.”

“It’s French. I don’t know much, but enough to have a simple conversation. Comes from my mother’s side. She was born in Montreal, a French-Canadian city, back on Earth. That’s why I’m named Pauline. It’s after my grandmother’s.”

“ _ Pauline _ … I love the musicality of it,” admitted Kandros, making the woman blush. 

He probably didn’t realize she did, her cheeks getting a red color as soon as a beer entered her system; a perfect cover. Pauline drank a sip of coffee, taking a second to enjoy the hotness of the liquid descend along her throat… And the compliment the turian just gave her.

“So. What’s your story?” asked Shepard to Kandros.

“My story?”

“Well, what were you in the Milky Way, why come to Andromeda, how did you become the leader of the militia… all that,” clarified the woman. She heard the turian sigh, a bit more heavily than she expected.

“I sought adventure. Like everyone else, I guess.”

“ _ Tsk. _ There’s more than that, clearly. Otherwise, you would not be overseeing it. Hell, you founded it. Created the militia from scratch!” Kandros stayed silent for a bit, while Pauline finished her coffee in a few gulps.

“You pulled my file, didn’t you?” asked the turian. 

The woman turned to him. She put the coffee cup down on the table beside the couch, then laid down on it, her head now resting on Kandros knees. She was glad he wore some normal clothing, and not his armor. They looked at each other.

“Maybe I did,  _ chéri _ .”

“Why?” he simply inquired.

“You intrigue me. With a record such as yours, Tiran Kandros, you could be running the place.”

“With a record such as yours, Pauline Shepard, you could have reached the highest ranks of the Alliance. Instead, you took a 600-years trip to a new galaxy. If  _ that _ doesn’t raise questions…”

Some would think that Kandros would look at her with annoyance or anger. But in his eyes, she only saw kindness; even tenderness. And curiosity: a genuine thirst for knowledge, and… her? She swallowed with difficulty, shyness overwhelming her. Perhaps she was sobering up a bit (the room was still now, not spinning like crazy). She could not remember the last time a man or a woman made her feel like Kandros did. A part of herself felt… she  _ deserved  _ it. Surprisingly.

Gently, the turian started to stroke her hair. He even unfastened her ponytail, her hair now resting freely on his knees. Her heart rate increased by a few beats, making her even warmer. Since her krogan alcohol adventure began, the heat hadn’t left her body. Or maybe the presence of the turian had extended the effect. Pauline detached from Kandros’ gaze to look at the sealing.

“I left because of… family,” admitted Pauline in one breath. “Maybe I fled. I don’t regret it, don’t get me wrong. But since my meeting with the asari shrink, I’m doubting myself. I feel selfish, from time to time. Maybe I should have stayed, made peace with the step-sister, and help the Milky Way become a better place. But staying in the Alliance would have prevented me from meeting Chagora, Ezal and Isaac. And…”

“Me?”

“Yeah. You.”

“I know. I’m the best boss in the universe.” 

Pauline chuckled.  “That remains to be seen,  _ chéri _ . You may be nice with us for now, but when we start pissing you off…” 

Kandros had a gentle laugh. “Let’s hope Outburst doesn’t get me in a bad mood.” He paused. “I left because of family, too. The meritocracy can be… Uneasy. It’s a lot of work to get recognized, but some have it better than others because of their family name. Was in my case, anyway. Had to prove myself even more to earn  _ real _ respect in the Turian Hierarchy. And here I am. You can guess how it turned out.”

“Left anyone behind?” asked Pauline.

“Mother and sister. A cousin, on Omega, Nyreen. She was playing the vigilante or the mercenary, when we left. I don’t really know which. Some friends stayed behind. You?”

“Except my famous step-sister, no one of note.”

“Any lover?” inquired the turian. The touch in her hair felt uncertain.

“Janie-Daisy hooked up with the only guy I ever had a  _ real  _ crush on. We were at Jump Zero together. Kaidan. Kaidan Alenko. Such a sweet and kind guy. A hell of a biotic. And that ass of his… Every girl at Brain Camp wanted him, I tell you.”

“Ever got with him?”

“No. He fantasized about another girl back then. We were good friends, but I’m pretty sure I wasn’t more to him. We lost track of each other. I learned later that he ended up serving on the Normandy with Jane and... They fucked. Never wanted to think or see him again. Made me sick and angry just to think of it. Only had affairs and one-night-stands after that.”

“Sorry I asked. I didn’t mean to…”

“We all have our deceptions in life. You? Any lover left behind?”

“A few conquests.” He chuckled. “Seriously, no. I’m glad I came here, you know. Seems the most beautiful human women in the universe ended up in Andromeda.” 

He laid his other hand on her abdomen, starting to stroke it tenderly, over her t-shirt. What a gentleman… She didn’t move a muscle, her heart beating in her ears. She wasn’t just warm; she radiated heat like a beacon.

“Thanks for the compliment, Kandros. I… err… I didn’t know you liked humans. Well… for more than valuable assets in the field.”

“Wasn’t obvious enough?” She could swear his teal eyes sparkled.

“True, you seemed… err… interested. In me.”

“Are you?” His voice was a murmur.

“Interested? In you?”

“Yes.”

Pauline looked at him. The intensity of his gaze made her sober in an instant, or drunk all over again. She couldn’t decide. She bit her lower lip and put a hand on Kandros’ face, caressing it gently. The touch of his plates felt like a polished rock, but with the warmness of a dry summer day.  _ Stop looking at me like this, Kandros. You’ll make my heart melt,  _ thought Pauline, not sure of the answer to give him.


	8. 142 days earlier… quite early in the morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my betas again, Ex-Commander and PotionsMaster! xo
> 
> Art by the talented Beth Adastra <3
> 
> Warnings: coarse language and mature subject matter / Explicit, NSFW

“What are we doing, Kandros?” asked Pauline after a time, still caressing the turian’s face. The concern bothered her.

“What do you mean?” He sounded disappointed.

“You’re the leader of the militia; I’m an APEX soldier. There must be regulations against…  _ this _ .” She made a circular move with her free hand.

“No, there aren’t. And even if there were… I’m the boss, remember? I decide the regulations.” It made her grin.

“Fine. Still, we just…  _ talked _ . Exchanged a few words, nods in the corridors, handshakes. And yeah, ok. A beer at the Vortex, last month, where we talked for three hours about God knows what.  _ Still _ . I’m not… I’m not special, Kandros.”

“You are, Shepard. I don’t know to what extent, yet, but you are. I knew the day you called me 'sir' in HQ.” He stopped stroking her hair and lift her head up, making her sit on the couch. He took her face in his hands, making her face him. “I want you, Pauline.”

She took his head in her hands, putting her forehead on his. Once  upon a time, she had seen turians do this in vids. She sighed. Hell, she wanted him to kiss her. And this time, it wasn’t the drunkenness talking.

“But I don’t know  _ how _ ,” the woman said with a timid voice.

“How to what?”

“Have sex with a turian.” She sensed Kandros smile. His hands descended on her waist. He brought her closer to him.

“What if  _ I _ show you how?”

“Are you always this bold, Kandros?”

“Only with you…”

Next thing Pauline knew, the turian had swung her around to sit on the couch. He was now on his knees, between her legs, the fine and sharp tip of his talons slowly caressing her arms. Any sudden move and he would cut her like butter. The danger sent a thrill through her, making her breath catch in anticipation. And wet.  _ Really _ wet.

“Before I give you a crash course in ‘how to make a turian come’ – I think that’s how you humans say it –I’ll show you what I know about the human female and pleasure.”

“Had the chance to practice,  _ chéri _ ?”

“A few times. And vids are quite useful.”

He lifted himself up enough to give her a kiss. Well, Pauline interpreted it as kiss. He put his mouth on hers, pressing on it for a few seconds. Instinctively, she kissed him back, already getting her tongue out to French kiss the hell out of him.  _ Fuck. Maybe you can’t French kiss a turian _ , thought Pauline, a slight of panic invading her guts. But Kandros’ tongue, slimmer and longer than a human one, started to swirl with hers. They kept at it for a while, their hands slowly exploring their respective bodies. The more they kissed, the more the turian felt hot under Pauline’s touch. His rough and warm tongue got to the lobe of her ear, then to her neck and after he removed her t-shirt, to the starting line of her cleavage. She leaned forward, forcing Kandros to retract for a second. Pauline removed her bra, the turian taking advantage of this moment to strip her from her cargo pants. He stayed up for a moment, simply looking at her, the smile on his face making his mandibles flutter. 

“Spirits… You’re beautiful…,” murmured Kandros. 

Pauline smiled. “You’re quite handsome yourself, Tiran Kandros,” she answered, seductive.

She approached him and unzipped the top part of his clothes. She left it fall on the floor, revealing Kandros’ shoulders, torso and arms. Pauline found him… extremely sexy. With her fingertips, she caressed his skin; his neck, his shoulders, his forearms, his chest. The turian closed his eyes, a deep and guttural noise coming from him. When she got lower on his abdomen, he stopped her. “ _ Tsk, tsk, tsk _ . Not now. Not now. Let me pleasure you first…”

Gently, he pushed her back on the couch, then made her legs rest on his shoulders. He approached her with his mouth. Pauline had difficulty breathing; her heart pounded heavily in her chest. What if they were… allergic to each other? Dextro and amino based species were not suppose to be compatible, to what she read. And  _ fuck _ . She honestly didn’t give a fuck. She would accept catching an intense fever to have this moment with him. And it seemed he was willing to.

With a slight move of a talon, Kandros ripped the woman’s panties, sexually electrifying the shit out of her. “Hope you brought more than one pair to Andromeda…”. He kissed her thighs, before slowly reaching to her lady parts. Her mind freaked out for an instant. Turians had teeth: many of them and sharp as fuck. Playing down there with razors wasn’t Pauline’s idea of fun. Reading her thoughts, Kandros told her to relax. 

When the tip of his tongue brushed the lips of her privates, she cried “Holy sweet fucking Jesus…”. What was it going to be when he reached her… “Oh… my… oh.”… clit. Before she could even think of how good it was, her eyes teared up and a thin blue mist of energy enveloped her body. “ _ Please… _ Please, don’t stop.” She took his head in her hands and caressed his mandibles, making a profound moan come from him. Kandros’ hands pressed harder on her thighs. His talons could lacerate her skin any second, but she didn’t care. All she wanted was to come and cover his face with it. Her biotics flickered when the tip of his tongue explored the interior of her vagina. “Bloody hell…  _ yes… _ ” Eyes closed, she bit her lower lip until it hurt, trying to make the moment last forever. Suddenly, a wave of pleasure made her body shake and her biotics flare again. She even feared she had discharged them by accident. Her clit became so sensitive, she had to push Kandros away, telling him to stop. He made her legs go down. She dropped off the couch, in his arms, gasping.

“Are you ok? Pauline?” asked Kandros, concerned, a bright light in his eyes. She took a second to answer, her head spinning.

“Yes… I… How… That was... Thank you,” the woman managed to say, holding the turian more tightly. “It’s been a very, very long time since I… err...”

“No need to say more.”

In a second, Kandros was up on his feet, carrying her in his arms, going to the woman’s bedroom. She kissed him, still trembling… and craving more, so much more. Kandros laid her on the bed before he unbuttoned his pants and made them drop on the floor. Pauline looked at him, mesmerized by his alien body. If someone would have told her back in the Milky Way that her having sex with a turian would be a thing... And yet… The turian was the most gorgeous person she ever saw naked in her room. For the one-night-stand queen she was, it was a divine revelation; and she’d seen _a lot of naked people_. Kandros was the king of them all.

Kandros laid down beside Pauline, kissing her on the forehead. She turned to him.

“So,  _ Sensei _ . What do I do, now?”

“ _ Sensei _ ?”

“Means ‘teacher’ in Japanese.”

“Well, first, continue with the foreign languages. It’s very seductive.” Pauline smiled, caressing his face. He put her hand on one of his mandibles. “This is a particularly erogenous part of the turian male. In my case, don’t hesitate to pinch it, even.”

“Or this?” Pauline send a small biotic pulse along his mandible. Kandros shivered, taking her closer to him. A guttural moan came to his lips.

“Or yes, that… That certainly works.” He cleared his throat, somewhat disconcerted. 

Pauline started to feel a small bump coming from Kandros abdomen, just where the belly button would have been on any human. The plates on his midsection seemed to move a little. She didn’t ask or say anything, waiting for him to show her what to do.

“Turians are really sensitive to anything soft. With your skin, touch me anywhere and it’ll make me crazy. Just your smell has been enthralling for me, already.”

“Wait until I don’t smell like booze,  _ chéri _ .”

Kandros smiled. “You still feel and smell amazing to me, Princess. Then, like maybe you’ve noticed, we have… this.” He took her hand and made it slowly slide to his gut. “It’s the equivalent of the human male… err… what’s the word, again…”

“Penis? Junk? Cock? Shaft?”

“Yes, that.” He chuckled. “You don’t have to be afraid of it or anything.”

“ _ Chéri _ , I’ve seen more penises in my life than you will ever see in yours. I’m not scared.”  _ In fact, I’m aroused as fuck, Kandros. It may be a bit smaller than a ‘regular’ human male, but… the ridges and the length... _ , she thought, sensing her privates dripping. “So turian  _ do _ screw each other to make babies.”

“Indeed. Rumor has it humans first thought we laid eggs, like salarians.”

“Can’t deny that, I’m afraid.”

“Silly humans… For the rest of the lesson, I think it’s yours to discover. You know. Learning by yourself.” 

Kandros licked Pauline neck, while pitching her nipples with his talons just enough to give them a red color before they could pierce the skin. As a response, she pushed him on his back and she sat astride of him, just below his shaft. She felt sure of herself. She started moving against it, so her lady parts could feel the heat coming from the turian, pleasuring herself. Kandros grabbed her waist, growling quietly.

“It’s my turn now?”

“Yes…” His breath took a rapid pace and became heavier. He closed his eyes in pleasure. Pauline smiled.

She lifted herself up and made Kandros enter her slowly. She gasped. The heat spread like a lightning bolt in her body. She threw her head back, closing her eyes, trying to get used to the unusual sensation. Her heart began to race the moment Pauline began to move in the turian’s lap. She screamed with delight when his talons pierced her hips... but she didn’t care. She could bleed all over the place; she didn’t give a fuck about that, either. She took the turian’s hands and placed them on her breasts. She moved quicker, feeling her partner get hotter inside of her, if that was even possible. Before she thought of changing positions, he switched places with her, keeping himself buried in her body. He started moving in her with more haste, his forehead resting on hers. They were holding hands. 

Kandros grabbed Pauline so tightly, her forearms began to feel numb. She lifted her legs up, permitting Kandros to hit her cervix. She cried, her biotics activating again, and this time, with more intensity. She knew every cell of her body was waking up to her power and sex. The turian fired up, now pounding her harder. 

“Spirits… your eyes… this blue…  _ Pauline… _ ” He released her hands, permitting him to get his torso up. She took the opportunity to take his face in her hands, caressing it slowly before sending a few tiny biotic pulses into Kandros mandibles. As a response, he emitted a sort of small cry, before getting himself out of Pauline. Pale blue semen covered her belly a second later and a smell similar to lavender got to the woman’s nose. It made her relax and her biotics faded away. He fell down on her, panting and mumbling into the crook of her neck.

“Sorry?” She tried to catch her breath. “Kandros… why?”

“I… I… I couldn’t last longer.” He paused, exhausted. “You didn’t… I wanted to give you pleasure again. And your hips… the blood… I…” said the turian, definitely disappointed with himself. She forced him to look her in the eyes.

“ _ Chéri _ , you were  _ amazing _ ,” she said to him, as tender as she could. “Don’t think otherwise. Please. I enjoyed every minute of it. I swear.” She made his head bend a little so she could kiss him on the forehead.

Kandros rolled next to her before he got up and went to the bathroom. He came back with a bit of medigel he then applied on the woman’s hips. The wounds were superficial. In a few days, it would be history. The turian laid down beside her again. He took her in his arms, buried his face in her hair and held on to her tightly, like he would never let her go. Pauline was still awake when she sensed Kandros falling asleep. She felt marvelous… With a point of sadness in her guts. She knew the moment they got up they would have to get back to their roles of boss and employee. Kandros was a part of Andromeda she wished to know more. But what if he didn’t want to? She pressed herself against the turian, who instinctively tightened his hold on her. A song emerged in Pauline’s mind. An old Earth song she liked. Juice Newton, 1981. She drifted into the land of dreams, the song resonating in her subconscious, like an echo.

_ There'll be no strings to bind your hands _ _   
_ _ Not if my love can't bind your heart _ _   
_ _ And there's no need to take a stand _ _   
_ _ For it was I who chose to start _ _   
_ _ I see no need to take me home _ _   
_ __ I'm old enough to face the dawn

 

_ Just call me angel of the morning, (angel) _ _   
_ _ Just touch my cheek before you leave me, baby _ _   
_ _ Just call me angel of the morning, (angel) _ _   
_ __ Then slowly turn away from me

 

_ Maybe the sun's light will be dim _ _   
_ _ And it won't matter anyhow _ _   
_ _ If morning's echo says we've sinned _ _   
_ _ It was what I wanted now _ _   
_ _ And if we're victims of the night _ _   
_ __ I won't be blinded by the light

  
_ Just call me angel of the morning, (angel) _ _   
_ _ Just touch my cheek before you leave me, baby _ _   
_ _ Just call me angel of the morning, (angel) _ _   
_ _ Then slowly turn away _ _   
_ _ I won't beg you to stay with me _ _   
_ _ Through the tears of the day, of the years _ _   
_ __ Baby, baby, baby


	9. 121 days earlier

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my betas again, Ex-Commander and PotionsMaster! xo
> 
> Warnings: coarse language and mature subject matter

 

“All APEX personnel to room 2A in militia HQ. Emergency meeting in 10,” said a VI’s automated voice on the Nexus comms. Seabrook, Chagora, Hirdol and Shepard looked at each other.

“Any idea what it’s about?” asked Chagora, looking at her teammates. Pauline went to her locker in the APEX hangar and stored her armor, which she was cleaning for the last hour or so.

“We never had an  _ emergency _ meeting before…,” reflected Ezal. “This is exciting!”

“Ezal…” reprimanded Seabrook.

“Don’t tell me I’m the only one thrilled by this?” the salarian asked, serious.

“You’re fucking crazy, Hirdol,” stated Chagora, smiling.

“I know.”

The Outburst team left the hangar and reached the HQ. A small crowd filled the room. Pauline estimated around 30 or 40 people present, including Kandros and his seconds. Shepard tried to make herself visible to him, her most seductive smile on her face, but he was looking at everything and everyone… except her. She immediately noticed the turian was worried, even angry. When he raised his voice to make all the soldiers shut up, she shivered. She never heard him talk in such a cold and authoritarian voice.

“At 1100 hours this morning, we lost two other APEX teams, this time on Voeld. 8 of us lost their lives at the hands of the Exiles.  _ Again _ ,” said the turian. Murmurs were exchanged between soldiers, but rapidly quieted by a move from the militia leader. The count was now at 24 dead elite soldiers. In three weeks. 

“Why are they targeting us?” asked a turian in the room.

“I wish I knew, Sirrus,” admitted Kandros. “I’m doing everything in my power to find out how the Exiles manage to ambush our soldiers like they do and why.”

“Someone may be leaking them information,” proposed an asari in front of the crowd. Many in the room looked at each other, somewhat suspicious.

“It’s a possibility, indeed,” said a salarian aside of Kandros. “Although our plans of execution or the missions selected for APEX are only disclosed to the teams before departure and on secure channels. The Exiles having access to this is… unlikely.”

“But not totally impossible,” added another asari.

“APEX is designed to act in tough situations, generally against Kett, Remnant and yes, Exiles. But we’re not  _ attacking _ them  _ directly _ . We’re securing stuff, assuring safe passage to people,” said Seabrook, surprising his team. “Do they want war? If it’s that, they’re crazy. We barely have outposts to speak of and Kadara is not a paradise, either. It’s pointless. Everyone would lose. ”

“I’m opening an investigation to try and found out, Seabrook. In the meantime, we’ll tighten the security on our operations, physically and virtually,” replied Kandros. “New regulations will be put in place today to assure your safety on the field, but also the safety of the Nexus and the Initiative. We need to take every precaution.”

Pauline crossed her arms on her chest, frowning. She had a pretty good idea of what was going on. She wondered why Kandros wasn’t disclosing everything to his soldiers. She always hated the lack of transparency in the military and, of course, the woman faced the same in the militia. Typical.

“We’ll reduce our operations for a few days, permitting the investigation and the security adjustments to take place. Make good use of your time off. Dismiss,” finished Kandros, not leaving place for any questions or arguments.

Shepard bit her lower lip. Her eyes followed Kandros leave the room. Before her teammates could turn to her and engage conversation, she was already gone.

***

Pauline knocked on Kandros’ apartment sliding door. He didn’t have an office to properly speak off, so he worked from his own place. It opened in front of her. She found the turian in front of his quarters’ window. Lucky bastard; he had a window. 

“Hey,” she said when she entered. Kandros didn’t turn to her.

“I’m busy, Shepard. What is it?” His tone made her angry, as the use of her last name. They were more  _ intimate _ than that, now. And not just because of that drunk time at her place. They saw each other a couple of times in the last weeks. And hell, she  _ did _ catch an intense fever after their first time fooling around; and she had been willing to do it again. So him being all formal suddenly…  _ Really _ upsetting. 

“ _ First _ , be nice.  _ Then _ , I might tell you why I came here,” answered Pauline, her voice sharp as a razor.

“Yes, yes… I’m sorry. What is it, Pauline?”

“That’s better, thank you.”

She joined him in front of the window. She stood aside of him, arms behind her back.

“We have a mole, or several, in APEX. Or in the militia. Maybe both,” she stated simply.

“I know.”

“I had to investigate a similar situation in the Milky Way. Alliance ships were lured in the Terminus Systems. Slavers attacked them on various sites where false emergency beacons were placed. A random guy in the ranks, on whom they had leverage, was leaking ships positions and composition of the crews, so the slavers could better attack and seize the survivors and the ships for their dirty businesses. Quite nasty. I think you’re dealing with a similar situation. Except this time, no one survives.”

They suddenly looked at each other. Pauline smiled to Kandros, even if his defeated look broke her heart. She tried to take one of his hands in hers, but he moved away. She swallowed with difficulty, uncomfortable.

“What do you propose, Shepard?” the turian ask, going to his desk. Her last name, again. She sighed.

“Help.”

“Doing what? I already got my best people on this.”

“I can help you find the mole. Not all in APEX or the militia have espionage and counter-espionage training like the N7 I am.”

“Shepard, my people arewell trained and…”

“Maybe. But you  _ trust _ me. Big difference,  _ sir _ .”

Kandros turned to her. Their gaze crossed. 

“What if  _ you’re _ the mole, Pauline Shepard?” he asked boldly, with a neutral voice. Pauline sighed, closing her hands, making trembling fists with them.

“I thought you had a better opinion of me,  _ Kandros _ ,” she hissed between her teeth.

“Sleeping together, regardless of the number of times, doesn’t mean…” He sighed. “ _ Everyone _ is a suspect right now. Even me.”

“Let me  _ help _ you,” she repeated, trying to calm herself.

“No.”

In a second, Kandros laid on his back, on the top of his desk, held by a powerful biotic pull. A few datapads dropped to the floor, as well as a small replica of Palaven, the turian homeworld. The metal trinket rolled under a couch. Shepard got to Kandros, and when she was at two inches from his face, she said:

“ _ First _ ,  _ chéri _ , you better respect me when you speak to me.  _ Second _ , I care enough about  _ you _ , your fucking operation, your soldiers, my team, and all this militia bullshit, to help you. ‘No’ is  _ not _ a valuable answer, Kandros. You’ll give me access to everything I need and  _ I’ll _ find your mole or all the motherfuckers who are killing us.  _ Understood _ ?” She stood up and removed the biotic hold she had on him. Kandros got on his feet, not letting his teal gaze go off Shepard’s face. “I’m an asset. Use it. I don’t think you’re the mole; you don’t think I’m the mole. Let’s work together and find these sons of bitches. Deal?”

“Deal,” answered the turian, without hesitation. 

**T** **o be continued…**


End file.
